Desperation. Yep that about sums things up at the moment. I don’t know if it’s a test from God, or Satan messing with my mind, but I can tell you it sucks. I’ve been feeling defeated, and without vision, even though I am starting seminary this fall. I’ve asked God why? Are you sure God, that I heard right? After all, I’ve been known to get my voices mixed up when it comes to hearing you. Life’s just been hard; the car keeps breaking down, the job market sucks, I’m barely making it, and I just don’t know what lies ahead. Don’t even reply to this post with “have faith”; Yes, I know this, and believe me, I’m holding on as much as I can, and I know the devil is trying to get me down, so I’ve been rebuking his sorry butt all week too. One thing that has seemed to help has been praying Psalm 86 It is a psalm of David, and He, like I have been this week; starts out with a cry to God. Here’s my paraphrase: Here me God, I need you, I am poor and weak, and nothing without you. Keep me safe because I am devoted to you and long to serve you! Father, have mercy by not giving me what I deserve as a sinful human, because you are so good in loving kindness and forgiveness. I call to you in my deepest distress because I know you will answer me with love and mercy. No God compares to you Lord, so take away my idols and bring me closer. All will come to know you as King, and every knee shall bow to your Glory! Lord, help me not minimize you, but to remember you are the one and only God, the God who spoke creation into being; an utter word out of your mouth can and does bring life and death. Let us reverently fear you with knowing this. Lord, you are my Lord, teach me your ways, give me knowledge and wisdom, understanding and discernment; so that I can not only grow in my understanding and Christ likeness, but that I really would share your gospel truth with others. Lord, I want to praise your name for ever, I am totally devoted to you; nudge me closer at times when my flesh fights for your attention because you love me so much and delivered me from the depths of hell. You know that ruthless men come after me, who care nothing of your ways or law; so protect me from them and provide a way out. Your mercy endures forever! You are slow to anger, quick to love, and everlasting in faithfulness. Have mercy on me, and give me renewed strength that I may be made strong and made Holy. Lord, move in my life, so that mere man would see that you are God, that you are good and faithful, abounding in love to those who love you. Amen!
Ahhh, that was a good exercises in focused prayer. I feel better already. May I encourage us all, to search scripture and the psalms for passages like these where we can pray as we read. Being able to do this has really helped me to remember who God; his characteristics, his love, faithfulness, justness, power, and mercy.
Maybe too, you could write them down in a journal to be able to quickly refrence back to and pray when you are going through a certain isssue or even a praise. One more thing that has helped me too is reading scripture on my knees. It is very humbling and helps me stay fouced more than say sitting on my bed where my mind can tend to wonder and get distracted by things out of the corner of my eyes.
Thank You Father for helping me to connect with you on a deeper level through the scriptures and learning to surrender to you more through the Psalms.
A prayer of David.
1 Hear, O LORD, and answer me,
for I am poor and needy.
2 Guard my life, for I am devoted to you.
You are my God; save your servant
who trusts in you.
3 Have mercy on me, O Lord,
for I call to you all day long.
4 Bring joy to your servant,
for to you, O Lord,
I lift up my soul.
5 You are forgiving and good, O Lord,
abounding in love to all who call to you.
6 Hear my prayer, O LORD;
listen to my cry for mercy.
7 In the day of my trouble I will call to you,
for you will answer me.
8 Among the gods there is none like you, O Lord;
no deeds can compare with yours.
9 All the nations you have made
will come and worship before you, O Lord;
they will bring glory to your name.
10 For you are great and do marvelous deeds;
you alone are God.
11 Teach me your way, O LORD,
and I will walk in your truth;
give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear your name.
12 I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart;
I will glorify your name forever.
13 For great is your love toward me;
you have delivered me from the depths of the grave. [a]
14 The arrogant are attacking me, O God;
a band of ruthless men seeks my life—
men without regard for you.
15 But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God,
slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.
16 Turn to me and have mercy on me;
grant your strength to your servant
and save the son of your maidservant. [b]
17 Give me a sign of your goodness,
that my enemies may see it and be put to shame,
for you, O LORD, have helped me and comforted me.