Oh How Impatient I get!

Things have been good here.  I have been trucking along in life just fine. Being an encouragement to others and trying to stay still long enough with The Lord to hear His voice.   I have my challenges raising Olivia; and I am learning that I just need to really get on the discipline track with her.  I know she needs structure and discipline which has been ringing in my head lately.  Actually I know God has not just been reminding me of that as a mom, but also as woman after the heart of God.  He has been disciplining me in different areas of my life, such as my finances; and as I attempt to get Olivia on a schedule, I am just as much trying to get myself on one.  Because I don’t currently work; getting up at a super early hour has been a habit that I had gotten out of, but I am now finding that indeed I need that time back, desperately!  I need it not to shower and get us out the door for a job or daycare, but I need it to for my quiet time with God.  I’ve always made time in the morning for God (for the most part), I had my devotionals, and got down on my knees to surrender the day, but now I am finding that as I am growing and praying more, I am desiring more time with God.  This not only means my prayer and devotional time, but my time in the Word as well.   I have had sort of a brain fart today, back peddling spiritually in a sense.  I have been having this desire to learn more and more of God’s Word, but I get so impatient with myself that even memorizing a simple scripture verse for the week has become this huge task for me to accomplish. Deep inside, I want to know it, and I think I feel like I want to know it all NOW! I know that I have blogged about this before, but sometimes I look back, and think of how much I should know at this point in my walk.Where did all those years in  The Word of God go? and why can’t I make things stick to my heart and my head?  I love watching Bible teachers such as Joyce Meyers, and recently Beth Moore. I sit there and think how I would love to know my Bible upside down and backwards the way that they seem to.  I wish I had some powerful anointing on my life like that! But as I looked at Joyce Meyers website I was humbled when I saw she holds a Ph.D in Theology.  I think I’d love to go to seminary some days but then I think “well, I can’t even get down a verse in my head, who am I kidding”.  I guess I just have to remind myself that God will teach me at whatever pace he chooses to teach me.  My task is to  give him my time and the first part of my day, and trust, obey, and live righteously before Him.  It’s just so hard some days when I have a burning desire to be used by God and I feel so far behind in the game.  Again, this isn’t a pity party,it’s just me trying to remind myself that I can do nothing outside the power and Spirit of God and that I just need take a deep breath, obey in the areas that he puts in front of me and trust that He is leading me into His purposes.  So Lord, forgive me when I get impatient with myself.  I just want to know more so I can share more of you with others.  Please help me remember that you are the one guiding my learning and you are the one who will mold me into the person that you want me to be for you purposes.  Help me trust, and help me be patient as you do your work in me. Help me to get up earlier and spend the time that with you that you deserve and that you want to spend with me also.  In Jesus’ Name,  Amen.

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3 thoughts on “Oh How Impatient I get!

  1. i agree with you robin, i just wrote recently in my blog–how far advanced everyone else seems in there walks with HIM and I am so struggling and stuck even getting to really know HIM–but also knowing there is a lesson in here somewhere that we are all suppose to be learning–i remind myself as long as we are taking babysteps forward (at least with me)–and maybe i fall back lots too LOL–but at long as we run the race–we will make it–just have to remember–like you said at HIS pace–not ours—wendy

  2. If some people seem far more advanced it might be because they have experienced more in their lives because they are quite a bit older. I have learned with age of course that there is more experiences and with each experience there is usually a lesson and things we tend not to forget. A lot of these times of remembering the scriptures and what the word of God says is usually out of some tough experiences in our lives.

    God teaches in His time and in His ways, and like you said His timing is perfect! 🙂

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