I’m Getting Desperate, But I will Surrender! I NEED YOU! You’r All I’m Living For!

Well, yesterday was a really hard day for me; harder than I was expecting. After posting yesterday I was trying to stay focused on God, His Goodness, His Promises, ect…… In an instant, I started getting attacked. I should have seen this comming, but anyway. I went throught the day thinking on Bible verses to encourage me, thinking of Job, and the strong faith of people like Moses who walked sooooo close with God in the midsts of sheer uncertainty and misfortunes. That is the kind of faith that I want. The kind of faith that I sing out my guts to in worship! Why is it that as soon as we start gaining moementum, the devil has to try and steal our Joy! I hate that, it really bugs me. Here I am, giving God 110% of my soul, my life, my everything, and the devil is right their trying to make me doubt, to feel defeated, un-purposefull, unworthy….. un – everything!
Thank God I finally picked up on it! My heart knew. It was my head that I had to deal with. Sitting here all day in this stupid house can make one go crazy at times. I tend to over-think stuff as it is, but I know God even uses my little struggle to remind me of His love. I had to keep reminding myself to think with my heart and not my head. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all of your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight” Proverbs 3:5-6. Yes, Lord, I know this, I know this, so why was I feeling like I kept going back and forth all day between my head and my heart?
A sermon my pastor did once came to mind. As I though about it more and more yesterday, it was making allot of sense. Sometimes I will save my worship folders from Sunday in a drawer, with the hope that I will go back and read them from time to time. I rarely do it, becasue I forget, or get busy with other stuff, but this morning as I did my devotionals, I looked in the drawer and quickly found the answers to my problem. I hate admitting it, it makes me look (at least I think), as if I’m lacking faith, but again, there goes my head. My heart is telling me, Robin, get it out, admit your struggle, and truly give to God. So today, I have chosen to obey with my heart and not my head, and share this sermon outline with you, which is speaking to some of my fears and desperation at the moment.
The sermon series was called “Faith Interrupted” and using the scriptures of Mark 5:21-43. It talks about how our desperation reveals our need; our need for help, our need for Christ. Our actions reveal our faith. Despair vs Belief. Curiosity vs commitment. Possiblilty vs surrender. Life’s interuptions reveal our level of fear. The fear that we won’t get our way. The fear that God won’t come through. (ouch! that’s really hitting home). Jesus’ response reveals his purpose; His love, compassion and power, and His commitment to develope our faith. We need to stop being afraid and keep on believing.
Let me tell you, this is really hard for me. As much as I believe, As much as I hope, as much as I surrender, as much as I put God in the drivers seat, I still fear. I know better, I know He has plans and purposed for my life, I know that His timing is perfect; but man have I waited on some really big things in my heart. I want God to really come through in really big ways. I need Him to. It’s not just about getting my prayers answered, even though that is a big part of it, to be able to move into all that God wants for me; but also, I want to be an example to others. I want to be that person that says “look at what God did in my life, isn’t it fantastic, doesn’t it just blow you away with what He did?”. Proverbs 13:12 says “Hope deferred makes the heart grow sick, but a linging fulfilled is a tree of life”. Yep, I think that sums it up for me today. God I need you to move. I’m giving you all the faith that I can, and I just need you to move. I love you Lord, and I just want to shine for you! I want others to see you through me, through my life, overcomming huge obstacles, moving huge mountains Lord, All To Glorify You. This is what I want; To glorify you with my life. Work Lord, I need to see. So Lord, I surrender it all once again. Placing my trust in you completely. Holding on to the promises that you are good, that your ways are higher, that you truly do have plans and purposes for my life. Father I believe, Help me with my unbelief. I love you Lord, and I just want to serve you with my life, I want to shine for you Lord. Thank you Lord for bringing me peace, Thank you Lord for reminding me of your Love, and Lord help me to trust you; because I do. I want to follow hard after you, I want to see your Glory Rain Down! Amen.

7 thoughts on “I’m Getting Desperate, But I will Surrender! I NEED YOU! You’r All I’m Living For!

  1. heavenly father-i pray that you continue to wrap your loving arms around robin–i pray that you continue to give here comfort and peace–i pray that you guide her towards that path that she needs to go so that she can “see” and “feel” what you are showing here oh lord–i pray that she receives your true message in her heart–may your guidance and light continue to shine through her–she is your soldier lord.

  2. Amen to wen’s prayer! Robin I have learned through my walk with the Lord that the closer you get to Him, the more you trust in Him, the more your faith increases and the more you do the will of God in your life, the more Satan will attack. He will stop at nothing to get your mind off of God. He will stop at nothing to get you away from God. Remember the battle is not ours it is God’s! The battle is already one and Satan knows His time is about up. This is why He attacks us. Just keep listing to your praise and worship music. Keep reading and speaking the scriptures out loud. Satan hates this! Keep staying strong in the Lord my friend.

    Luke 10:17-20 (NIV)
    17The seventy-two returned with joy and said, “Lord, even the demons submit to us in your name.”

    18He replied, “I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven. 19I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you. 20However, do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven.”

    Keep fighting the good fight of faith my friend!

  3. Robin: “Lord, and I just want to shine for you! I want others to see you through me, through my life, overcomming huge obstacles, moving huge mountains Lord, All To Glorify You…Lord help me to trust you; because I do. I want to follow hard after you.”

    I love your prayer, and I want that too! I love to hear about your passion for God. When I read it, I can’t help but worship Him too! He will answer you because you are asking for what He already wants for you.

    I was reading Charles Finney, a great revivalist from the early 1800’s. He quotes this verse: “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Ps. 37:4

    Then he says “If we delight ourselves in God, He will delight Himself in us. If we embrace Him, He will embrace us. If we pant after Him, He will pant after us…It is impossible that He should not delight in the soul that delights in Him…Whenever a mind seeks union with God, God sets His heart on that soul…Whenever we find ourselves strongly drawn to God, God is infinitely drawn towards us.”

    Anyway, all that to say, if you are seeking Him, you WILL find Him! He WILL teach you (and me) to trust. He WILL answer all those things you prayed for, and He is delighted with you in the meantime as you follow hard after Him!

    Bless you, Robin! 🙂

  4. You wrote, “Life’s interuptions reveal our level of fear. The fear that we won’t get our way. The fear that God won’t come through.” And I felt my lack of faith every time I would say I’m just afraid that this won’t happen. It’s so true, how faith and fear are connected. Thanks for the encouragement. Sounds like a great sermon.

  5. Send me any daily devotionals. They are really great. Or, just to make a Christian friend. Bless you.

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