Desperate for More of Him

One of my favorite things to do on my blog is to dig out from my archives and share some of my posts that get lost in the deep sea of my writing.  It’s also great to use when I don’t feel the Holy Spirit prompting me on anything specific at the moment.  The following post was from November and helped me remember today what having more of Jesus living in me looks like.  Jesus was a servant leader.  He came down, striped himself of his heavenly privileges and served others on this earth, then turned around and died for all in love and selfless obedience to The Father’s will.   When I read what the “servant leader”  many of them truly reflect the heart of Jesus!  Today on my facebook, my status reads, “more of you God, less of me”.  That is often my prayer, and was really on my heart this morning as I spent time with God.  As I long to grow more in Christ and desire to be used for His purposes on this earth, he is constantly reminding me that I must become less and less so he can become more in and through me.  So today, I share this for myself too; Lord  make me more like you; strip away the pride and the selfishness, take away whatever is not of you and fill me with a heart of a servant leader as I am lead by your love and your will for my life.  Amen.

In the midsts of all my growth, I also like to look at the role of the church (since most of us go to one), and see how things get done. I know, I know, this is a loaded discussion, and one in which I haven’t yet started to really pick up a book on, (just found some interesting blogs and websites on the topic). It’s a rather complex topic as I am finding out. So many different ways of “doing church” and believing; (really, we, “the church”,do tend to make things way more complex than really neccessarry) that it can kind of make your head numb if you think about it too much, but I wanted to at least talk about something different here for a change. I found an interesting blog that stole a post from another blog, that stole a post from another blog; so I left a comment on his and said, nice blog, and by the way, I am stealing this too. Enjoy a bit of refreshing change today from all my “profound deepening of the soul, lol”. Oh, and check out his blog too, I find it pretty interesting. I know that I am very much more a Servant Leader today, and thank God for humility, because we all have a little bit of the Leader Man in us, I think.   http://tomorrowschurch.blogspot.com/

LeaderMan: Wants a platform on which to say something

Servant Leader: Has something to say

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LeaderMan: You almost feel you know his family, because he’s your Leader

Servant Leader: You allow him to influence you, because you know his family

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LeaderMan: Wants you to know he’s a Leader

Servant Leader: You’re not sure he knows he’s a leader

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LeaderMan: Loves the idea of the Gospel, and the idea of The Church

Servant Leader: Loves God and the actual individual people God brings across his path

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LeaderMan: A great speaker, but self-described as, “Not really a people person.”

Servant Leader: Makes himself a people person

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LeaderMan: Helps you find where God is leading you in his organization

Servant Leader: Helps you find where God is leading you

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LeaderMan: Gets together with you to talk about his vision

Servant Leader: Just gets together with you

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LeaderMan: Resents “sheep stealing”

Servant Leader: Doesn’t get the “stealing” part, since he doesn’t own anyone to begin with

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LeaderMan: Wants the right people on the bus

Servant Leader: Wants to find the right bus for you, and sit next to you on it

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LeaderMan: Shows you a flow chart

Servant Leader: Shows you his whole heart

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LeaderMan: A visionary who knows what the future looks like

Servant Leader: Knows what your kitchen looks like

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LeaderMan: If it’s worth doing, it worth doing with excellence

Servant Leader: Not exactly sure how to even calculate “worth doing”

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LeaderMan: Talks about confronting one another in love

Servant Leader: Actually confronts you in love

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LeaderMan: Impressed by success and successful people

Servant Leader: Impressed by faithfulness

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LeaderMan: Invests time in you, if you are “key people”

Servant Leader: Wastes time with you

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LeaderMan: Reveals sins of his past

Servant Leader: Reveals sins of his present

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LeaderMan: Gives you things to do

Servant Leader: Gives you freedom

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LeaderMan: Leads because of official position

Servant Leader: Leads in spite of position

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LeaderMan: Deep down, threatened by other Leaders

Servant Leader: Has nothing to lose

Ok, I’ve been over at WordPress for a few days now and really, really like it. I love this blog too, and really hope all my blogging friends will make their way to my new home. I know everyone is busy, so I am gonna keep things in 2 places for now. But please stop by, I’d really hope you would. http://girlforgod.wordpress.com Here is my latest post over there. Hope you will leave me some comment love at my new blog too!

As I have been going through my blog lists, getting use to WordPress and discovering new blogs as I grow, and expand my reading in the blogsphere; I’ve come upon a blog that is challenging it’s readers to reflect on the past years blessings and struggles (sounds allot like my blogspot blog), but it is a good time to remember God’s sovereinty and will for my life and how He is forever molding me. Stop by Red Letter Believers and take part in some refection and growth; for our God is good in all things and to Him be The Glory forever and ever. Here is my blessings in the brokenness this past year. Thank you Jesus for all of it. It has made me more in love with you.

Last march I was working in the hotel industry as a front desk agent and decided to take a new job offering benefits and higher pay. I was let go a week into it for no reason, only to think I was a threat of some sort to their way of doing business, which was a little shady to say the least. That same year, I went through allot of hardship with my daughters father who at the time, unknowingly, was suffering from dementia, was wrongly incarcerated by me in a way, and passed away right before Christmas. I buried him on Christmas Eve; it sucked to say the least. Going back to church and finding my place again was another challenge that has been painful as well, but the healing is finally starting to kick in, after I fell away several years ago and became a single mom. Thank God for the church; as hard and disconnected at times I felt, our pastor preached on living surrendered which is part of our church mission. It is in my deepest broken. desperate moments alone with God that I have learned true surrender, in the midst of all my pain. I realize surrender is a life-long process, but one that has also brought me into the pure love and presence and power of God. I have learned that it is in our brokenness that God can start to finally mold us and form us into the people he wants us to be. So I guess this year I have really learned what it means to be broken, and out of that I have longed and thirsted for God more; I have a deeper passion to see the church of God truly become His hands and feet here on earth. I have been praying for God to show me where to serve, because there are so many needs! I know that being a mom is really important and perhaps just being a mom and a Godly example to my daughter is a way for me to glorify God. So this has been a year of brokenness for me; but I have also been blessed with family, food, shelter, and friends. My prayer for the new year is to not hold back on God, to let Him use me for His glory, and that I might listen and chase after Him wherever He calls me.

I did a google search tonight on my name because I was remembering the meaning behind it and thought it might be cool to see how it ties into what God has been doing in my life. I found a blogger who had found the meaning in a book:
Robin
Language/Cultural Origin: English
Inherent Meaning: Shining Fame
Spiritual Connotation: Victorious Spirit
Scripture: Psalm 18:32 NKJV “It is God who arms me with strength, and makes my way perfect
Of course I was presently surprised and blessed of fond memories of friends and my journey after The Father, but also reminded of how much I have truly overcome and how much of that Victorious Spirit is truly coming out in me.
Years ago as a youth, I received a small wooded plaque as a gift. It has my name on it with the words “Shining Fame” At the time, I was far from being saved, but knew I wanted Jesus to shine through me even back then. Since then I have seldom thought of the profoundness of the gift up until now. It was a small gift from a friend at the time who I knew in a youth group. I remember his stories of seekng after Jesus, and his struggles with addictions even after the fact. I’ve often thought of him throughout the years, as I have many people in my life who had come and gone; who I once shared a bond of knowing Jesus with. My only hope and joy is to one day see all those people in heaven someday along side me worshipping the God we so desperately were trying to get to know. Today, I know that God, and it seems through a lifetime of struggles of seeking after Him the long race and persistence, even through my shortcomings have begun to pay off. All I ever wanted since I began my God journey as a kid was to truly know this Big God of the universe. What I have come to find is that as big as He is, He is as close as the breath that I exhale. He is living in me, and I am starting see Him finally shine through me, as I have constantly learned hard life lessons, as I have done my best to live surrendered and take up my cross, as I have tried to pray and obey what He has asked me. It’s been some major pain and hurt, tears, and lamenting from me; but it has all had a purpose. It has all been for His Glory, and For Him to see me as someone who is faithful, someone He can truly use to Shine through. God as I learn to live for you each day, help me to remember that it’s all for you. Everything is for your Glory, so you can shine your love, your hope, your truth, your everything through me. Thank You Jesus for never letting go, for picking me up out of the ditches that I have gotten myself into, brushed me off, and carried me on my way until I was strong again. May I live to worship you with my life, with my whole being, to shine for you, so that you can be seen by those who need you most.